goodnight and goodbye from Cau Go Street

I have been up and down this street tonight thinking of what to post...how to possibly put into words what I want to say. It has been a life changing trip but now it's time to go. I never know how to say goodbye to Vietnam.

Today I went to an ethnology museum. There was a quote by a man named George Condominas, who lived with Mnong Gar people in the Central Highlands for several years. On the wall, I read a quote from him and it just seemed the perfect way to end my blog. My heart skipped a beat when I read this, so I grabbed my pen:

"I remember this house with emotion, as it were here that I experienced the greatest continual effort of my life. And yet I was only really part of this house at night. I am not speaking of sleep, during which the individual vanishes, nor the gatherings where my hosts poured out his confessions to me. I am speaking of the evening when the village, exhausted by a long day of work, lay asleep in mass, giving me the chance to write my letters."

I think we should all remember to study the "language" of people.

Tam Biet.

Our last walk. we did it.

We walked through the gates of Hoa Binh "peace" Village today at 11:00am. All 7 of us walked in, arm in arm, with approx. 40 or so supporters from the University and various people around Hanoi, as well as some friends from Saigon who flew up to be here for this special day. The dusty and tired jeep followed, bearing a big banner, driven by Sim, the skinniest and sweetest kid in all of Vietnam.

We were greeted by the Director of the hospital and several staff members and then escorted to a room on the 2nd floor. They had a beautiful set up for us and we were seated behind a big table up on a stage of sorts where we were formally greeted by doctors and various officials from the hospital. We each were given a chance to speak and it was so emotional. We all found it hard to talk without our voices cracking. I looked out into the audience and saw AO kids, some of their parents, hospital workers, TV crews, photographers, and a literal sea of people wearing orange in show of support. A father of one of the children receiving care at Hoa Binh stood and thanked us for walking for his son and then told us that "the war is over". There were many tears after this and it was honestly this really beautiful moment in my life. I just looked at his face and thought about how kind people can be, how forgiving they can be, even with no promise of a brighter future for his child. We were presented with a huge bouquet of flowers and then taken to a room to see some children receiving physical therapy. We spent time with the children and answered questions from reporters and reluctantly made our way down the drive to the jeep. 

Tomorrow a formal dinner is being given in our honor by the Minister of the Communist Youth Party. This is a very big honor for us. We also meet with the Ha Noi VAVA and have other engagements. I think we are all a little stunned that we're here.

We actually did it. I am amazed that we did it. Some days it felt impossible but here we are.

When we pulled out of the village, I thought about how hard it will be to not wake up and walk the usual long distance tomorrow. Those days of walking gave me so much time to deconstruct my life, think about what I believe and what I don't believe, what I hope for in life and what I hope for other people of the world. Walking always allowed me the time to remember the faces of the children and the parents that we met along the way. They are all so clear in my mind. I seemed to be given the chance to take in every feature, to hold every detail in my hand. I think about the thin gold band on the middle finger of one of the brothers in Quang Binh. The mother told me it was to protect him. The skin on his hand was so thin. The sound of the flies swarming around him. And so I just kept on walking, imagining myself magical and searching for some way of retrieving their stolen futures.

I am so grateful for this chance and for the hundred awakenings that accompanied the journey.

Sleep now, more tomorrow, with photos.

 

entering the land inside the rivers (to say goodbye)

We arrived in Ha Noi today and I am in a coffee shop in the Old Quarter. Glad to be here but it's a little bittersweet, knowing we have almost reached the end of our walk and for me (and I'm sure the rest as well) an important personal journey and time of contemplation. I realize how fortunate I am to be here. I have gained so much during this time and the people I have met along the way have made my life richer. I can only hope that this process has been reciprocal. We all seem to be dealing with strong emotions right now and I expect tomorrow to be difficult and joyous. end and beginning.

To catch you all up on the past couple days:

May 29:

 walked 12k with Salem and Bob. It was a day like no other, in terms of heat and dragging through it. Imagine walking through concrete. Dramatic comparison but not far off. Salem had to jump in the jeep after almost fainting. The heat hovered around 104 with the normal high humidity. Dusty roads, narrow roads. Not a scenic walk by any means but people were friendly. We finally stepped into Phu Ly (Ha Nam Province) in the early afternoon. After dinner in the hotel, I walked by the front desk and headed to my room, with the song "Happy Birthday" being sung behind me by one of the hotel employees. Happy Birthday seems to be quite the popular song in Vietnam, only behind ANYTHING by the Carpenter's or ANY Christmas tune. I lay in bed that night thinking about this time, what we have strived to do. I will miss those hard days of walking. I will miss the visits with the children, the ones who fueled this desire to DO something outside of of the world I am comfortable in. 

The next morning, I left the hotel with the same employee humming "It's a small world" (yes, the Disney World version).

May 30:

 A short 8 mile walk to the outskirts of Ha Noi to a hotel in the neighborhood Phap Van district. Time for going through bags, throwing stuff out, trying not to cry and trying to figure out how things will change when we leave Vietnam and go back to the stark contrast of our lives. Homesick but not wanting to leave the kids behind.

 I remember reading an article once about a man who was exposed to AO somewhere near Da Nang. He said he remembered once, after the chemical had been sprayed all around him,  a smell. He recalled that the smell was pleasant, almost sweet. He certainly could not have known that this sweet smell was perhaps the most poisonous chemical known to scientists. And surely this father never dreamed that the sweet smell would give his future child a declining half-life, or that they both would live unseen for the better part of their life.

Tomorrow we will make the final walk into Hoa Binh Village (Hoa Binh means PEACE), the home to approx. 65 kids who suffer from AO. We have been informed that tomorrow is "International Children's Day" in Vietnam. A perfect day to walk into Hoa Binh. I expect this to be very emotional for all of us. Each member of our group has put their heart into this effort. Despite the difficulties along the way,  I can honestly say that it was an honor to walk next to them and I will never forget their compassion toward the children suffering in this country. I have learned so much from each of them.

To my family and friends: Thank you for never questioning my need to come here, for not thinking of me as a runaway. You all just are willing to understand me and your words are always kind. I love you and brought you all here with me. 

36 kilometers from Hanoi

We walked into Phu Ly today in 104 degree heat...it was hard but we are so close to Hanoi that everyone is pretty hyped up here at the finish. I can't believe that we're almost there. I think each member of our group is experiencing happiness, disbelief that we actually did it, and some sadness. I am amazed at my new friends and their commitment to bettering the lives of these children. We talked at dinner tonight and everyone thanked each other for hanging in there, for getting through the difficulty of this effort, for not killing each other at times and for each contributing a special gift to this cause. Each of us is here because of agent orange. By walking and talking to the victims, we were able to watch this contamination silently unfold. We already wonder what comes next...where do you go from here? I  think I speak for all of us when I say that it will take a very long time to digest what we have been through and what we have seen. It is my hope and belief that we can make a difference, that our collective voice has been strong and that maybe, just maybe, the book on the Vietnam War will close one day soon. Studies can be proposed and conducted until hell freezes over but this does not help the people of Vietnam who suffer the lingering effects of this war. We cannot make them wait any longer.

Love from Vietnam.

Love from me.

hiding place for baby dragons

We returned to Tinh Binh tonight after a 2 day trip to Ha Long. We were ahead of schedule and pretty exhausted from some really hard days of walking/families so we decided to have a short rest and see one of Vietnam's treasures-Ha Long Bay. We took a van and drove a couple hrs., took two ferry's and ended up on Cat Ba island....very beautiful beaches and mountains. The next day we took a boat out to Monkey Island. I love monkeys and was very excited, went to the little market and bought 2 bunches of bananas. We took the boat ride out to the island ...very beautiful, isolated except for a few people who look after the monkeys. We were told that the monkeys come running down as soon as they see people but after an hour and a half of wandering up and down this beach, no monkeys. I did find some cool shells and coral on the beach. Still no monkeys. We finally just got back in the rowboat that took us to the big boat. As soon as we boarded, we looked toward the beach (now called money island) and there were the monkeys. 

That afternoon, we boarded a boat and headed out to HA Long Bay. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. These incredible rocks protruding from the water-we were told there are 11,000 of them. The legend is: A mother dragon, knowing there was a typhoon, threw down these rocks in order for her to have a place to hide her babies-9 of them. The father dragon put his body in the open area near the rocks for further protection.

It is hard to describe the beauty of Ha Long Bay. I hope the pictures give you some idea of how amazing this place is. If you can ever make it to Vietnam, this is a place you have to go. It is a wonder.

We start walking tomorrow morning and will be very close to Hanoi. I still have all 10 toenails. Love to all....

Two days...three families

I'm posting from the city of Ninh Binh, where we have been since yesterday afternoon. We had a long (the group covered 60 k) and especially hot day and Salem and I were really dragging at times. Several stops to prevent getting sick. The road narrowed again and at times felt as if walking sideways was the only option. There are huge trucks on Highway 1, all day, every day. No relief from that. Sometimes it's strange to me to think this is the "super highway" of Vietnam because it is certainly rough. The people were very solemn in these villages. I wouldn't call them friendly but not unfriendly either. Just quiet, even the kids. I spent the day walking with  Bob, Phuc and Salem and Bao joined us later. The last few kilometers were unbelievably beautiful...mountains and rivers, kids playing in the water, water buffalo of course, that brilliant green of Vietnam that is like something out of Willy Wonka. We arrived in this city tired and grateful for a shower, food and got lucky with a really clean room. I have learned to be grateful for things like showers, food (even bad food), legs that will carry me through my life. And on and on. I know that just 2 pairs of shorts, socks and one t-shirt can carry you through a month. Hand soap can clean your clothes. Even a warm bottle of water comes in handy. I just realize that we do complicate our lives with too much "stuff". I have been shedding "stuff" since my arrival and the lighter my bag gets, the better I feel.

TODAY IS MAY 25: I woke up early, couldn't sleep any more so went downstairs to the kitchen to beg for some coffee. Great coffee, very hot water= a good morning. At 8:00, the head of the local VAVA (Vietnam Association for Agent Orange-Dioxin) and several members of his staff came to get us and we all went in cabs to a government building, which we did not expect to do. They had many officials from the city and many reporters there waiting in one of the rooms. It was very beautiful and behind the speaker who welcomed us was a gigantic bust of Ho Chi Minh and flowers everywhere. He welcomed us and thanked us and gave us information on local AO victims. Afterwards, Doc addressed them, with Bao translating and he gave a very moving description of what we hope to do for these children. It was so nice to look around the room, people united in their concern for the suffering of these children-no hatred, resentment or distrust. It was just really cool. Many eyes filling up with tears.

They took us to see 3 families (of 300,000 in this Province) with children affected by AO. The first family was about a 10 minute drive from our meeting. The daughter, named De, is 28 years old but looks to be much younger, as most AO victims do. She was totally silent and sort of leaned against the back of her bed the entire time we visited. The father fought in the Delta area and showed us where he had been shot: the head, the leg and arm. His first 2 children died at birth and the next two died at ages 3 and 4. De, along with her brother Dat (also AO) are the last two children. When the father spoke, he cried and you could feel the reaction of everyone in the room-heartbroken as always...even the photographers and reporters. I handed him my bandana and he cried and cried into it, wiped his face and said "cam on" (thank you) and tried to give it back. I told him to keep it, that it was ok and I watched as he gave it to his daughter and declared it "a gift " from the visitor. We gave them a donation and VAVA did as well, which was wonderful and then we shook his hand and left. It's always so hard to walk away from these meetings. I try so hard to not cry but I can never seem to. I remember thinking, as I got in the taxi, that as long as I draw breath, I will never forget the father's face.

The next family was not too far from the first. The father was waiting for us when we walked down the little path that led to their house. He took us all inside, to the bedside of his son Hung, who is 26 years old. A human being, capable of nothing but breathing. A riddled body. Feet turned backwards. only one hand that resembled a human being. In his hand a stick with plastic tied to the end because the parents want to teach him how to swat away the flies. The father was sprayed with AO while working on the HCM trail and this is what he brought home to his wife and future son. It is odd sometimes, what you think about as you stand by these children. Looking at Hung, I wondered what the prayers of hi parents must be like.

The last family we visited was a father to 5 sons. One of the boys died from AO and we visited with 3. The other brother is scared of people and ran away when we got there. I assume this happens regularly because the father did not seem alarmed or go look for him. Two of the three brothers we saw are twins, named Linh and Sang. The other two are Trinh and Gia. The father was exposed to AO in the Delta. While these boys could sit up and move around, they seemed to just mostly have a blank stare. The father was very worried about what will happen when he and the mother pass away. They are saving money so they will be able to put their sons into a facility when the time comes. Hopefully what we donated to them will help.

It is difficult to visit these families, as I have said so many times. But I try to imagine what their life is like, and I just cannot. There is no "making it whole" for these children. There are 3 million of them in Vietnam. We can't blame nature. There was no tragic accident. This was done by people.

Maybe one day there will be an answer to the question "when will it be over?"

STILL STANDING. STILL WALKING.

It's nice to be able to post again after 2 difficult days of walking. As I mentioned, it gets hotter the further North we go. It really zaps your energy and causes fatigue like you wouldn't believe.I have many new blisters but somehow am just walking through them. We are fast approaching Hanoi and getting excited about what will transpire there....I share with you now the past two days:

MAY 22:  began the long walk to Tinh Gia. At breakfast that day, Bao Anh's mother read my palm and told me that I would live a very long life (good), that I had alot of protection (better) and that I would grow happier and happier with each passing year (best). This was a good way to start the day. I walked on this day with Phuc and Bao along a narrow and dusty section of Highway 1. It was overcast that morning but later became unbelievably hot. It was so narrow that at times we had to walk single file with traffic passing at very high speeds. For those reading this who have been to Vietnam, you know there are no rules for driving. And although there is a method to the madness, it was still intimidating. We eventually welcomed a wider section of highway through the beautiful countryside. There were amazing trees with brilliant red blooms called "Fire flowers'-they are considered "the people's flower" and symbolize the coming of summer because they bloom in May. We stopped for luch and I was lucky enough to find pickled eggplant, which is a treat, especially at stand along our walk. I was tempted to order the "swimming bladder" but opted for the eggplant and a little rice. Nothing to drink except for bird's nest, made with the saliva of a particular bird. There are actual flecks of the nest in the drink. I just can't drink it but hopefully will summon the courage before I leave Vietnam. We walked into the Province of Thanh Hoa in the early afternoon. our hotel was decent until the middle of the night when I was awakened by mosquitos. I turned on the light and the air conditioner had a slow but steady leak and half of the floor of my room was covered with water. Mosquitoes were coming in through the bathroom window, which wouldn't close, no one at the desk, so I did not sleep much. I was able to get coffee the next morning, which made it all ok.

Dead snake count:38

Also learned at lunch to never try to teach a Vietnamese person to say "peanut".

 The VAVA called and asked us to return to Vinh to see more AO families. We are unable to backtrack and had to tell them no. We have more families to see in the next few days.

TODAY: A very interesting day. Walked with Bob and Phuc part of the time. About an hour into our walk, a woman came out of nowhere, screaming, crying, grunting, dancing, hitting my hat, growling, undressing (seriously) right in the middle of this village. This experience was frightening because she would not leave us. She stayed right with us for over a mile. She looked to be about 50 years old. We gave her our water and kept ducking into into little stands along the way trying to get people to help us and they just laughed at this woman, who at this point had almost no clothes on and was trying to hit a woman in the head with a large rock. The woman's husband ran and got a walking stick and began trying to beat the woman with the stick to get her to leave. She kept trying to come over to us and I was scared of her but felt so bad for her. She was just so ill and people were either laughing at her or trying to hit her. I just sort of lost it and started crying because it was so painful to watch and then this sweet man let us go into his place for awhile. He was really nice. Bob knows a little Vietnamese and kept asking people to call the police, but it is just a different world here. It seems like EVERYONE falls through the cracks. No one would call anybody and soon a crowd gathered and just watched her. All day I thought about this woman, what could have happened in her life? how did she survive this long? Maybe she is a messenger, as corny as it sounds. When we finally left the people's house, we could see her half naked in the middle of the road, just standing completely still and watched us walk away. I couldn't talk for the rest of the afternoon.

We are now in Thanh Hoa...and as I write this, I am struck by the realization that each of us has a story to tell.

We start tomorrow at 6 a.m. Love to all of you.

walking into Dien Chau

Hi everybody,

Another long walk....our group covered 28 miles. For some reason we were all really strong today despite these insane blisters that I am starting to name. I'm sure alot has to do with the weather...overcast most of the day, which was welcome! Nice breeze most of the day so mosquitos weren't a problem. Really a good day. We saw no families but will hopefully be seeing more families in 2-3 days Thanh Hoa province. We anticipate arriving at the AO hospital on June 1st, a week earlier than planned! We are all getting very excited but have many hard days of walking ahead of us. There should be quite a welcome from the word on the street (!) and we can't wait to see the kids waiting there for us. This is for them and I hope when they see us, they will feel alot of love.

We are lucky to be staying on the beach in Dien Cahu at a brand new place. I think we are the first guests. I spent about an hour on the beach picking up the most amazing shells. The water was very warm and it was nice to put my feet in it. I listened to my shuffle and really enjoyed just looking around on the ground for stuff. 

We will be heading out in the morning again, bright and early a 25 mile walk. Our team is working well together....it is a very complicated journey at times. There are long stretches with NOTHING so planning and sending someone ahead is essential. It is really down to a science now and we work very efficiently. There are days when I am sure I will need a foot transplant, but overall...I feel restless on the one day a week that we don't walk. Your body really gets used to it after a couple weeks so I maybe walking along the highway when I get home.

There is really nothing to report today other than the walking. I would like to take a minute and thank my family and friends for all their love and support and not ever questioning my need to do this. You are all wonderful. I wish I had each of you with me so you could experience this too. I hope my words and pictures do justice to these children and shed light on what is and what could be. 

I can't thank you all enough for caring the way you do.

ngu ngon  (sweet dreams).

today

We are still in Vinh and plan to stay here one more night then head out in the a.m. We plan a long day of walking and the weather has been great today-cloudy with no rain and cooler than usual. I hope it lasts. We anticipate reaching Hanoi earlier than expected! Our days of walking are long but are paying off as we are covering so much ground. I never would have believed it had I not been here.

The VAVA took us this morning to see the 3 families. The first family has 2 sons in their early 20's. They were on the wooden bed and totally covered with blankets. When uncovered, the boys made no movement or sound. They were completely still with just expressionless faces. One of the boys had both legs amputated from the knees down. They are skeletons and have no quality of life, except for their loving parents. The father fought near Hue when Agent Orange was dumped on him. His wife works and he takes care of the sons. He said it is very difficult to turn them and take care of them and I assume that is why he is at home and his wife is working. We decided to give a generous donation to assist with the cost of medications. 

The second family we visited has 3 generations of AO. This was a very sad situation. The mother cried when we were there. She told us that her husband went away to war and brought nothing back but agent orange. Her neighbors and relatives helped build a house for them. It was very sad to hear her story but it is not a new story. It is everywhere we go and it is sad every time. We gave a donation to this family as well and she was so happy. She wants to use the money to buy the medication that she gives her family. We asked what type of medication they take and the mother ran to get the bottle. She brought it back and handed it to us. The label on the bottle read: HEALTHY BRAIN PILLS. It was heartbreaking to me as I read the back of the bottle: HELPS IMPROVE BRAIN. 

The last family we saw has only one child, a young man who looks to be about 10 yrs. old but is 22. We were led through a marketplace to his "home" if you can call it a home. He was sitting on a small wooden bench with sides, like a playpen in a room that also served as a kitchen. The room measured roughly 8ft X 10ft. Only 3 of us could stand in the room at a time. The mother was very sweet and kept the son very clean and the room tidy but I don't think we have seen any living quarters this cramped. The father was exposed to AO and it has had devastating effects on him. He was in a room adjacent to the kitchen, an even smaller room than that of his son. He sat on a cot with this bright light shining directly in his face. He was unresponsive. His wife said he began showing signs not long after his return home from the war. His condition just continues to worsen. The father and son live every day with a wall between them. They are unable to interact and I found this to be such a terrible loss. 

 The strength of the parents of AO children is incredible. I often look at them and wonder what it is like to wake up each day to face the struggle that is their life. The wounds of their children fester but never heal. One parent told Bao Anh that he remembers as a soldier feeling the chemical "like rain" falling down to wet his body....seeing the mist that fell from the planes. And what we are seeing now is what these men and women brought home to their families and unborn children.

I know that many people feel that the responsibility for these health problems is unclear. Attempts by American and Vietnamese officials to come to an agreement over this issue has not succeeded. Waiting on scientific proof will continue to paralyze this issue. The health concerns of these people are a humanitarian issue. There are so many needs, from family counseling to rehabilitation centers, and education for those children who cannot attend regular schools. Pointing fingers does not change anything. In the spirit of decency, I hope our country and all people who care for the people of Vietnam, will step up to the plate and do what they can to help. The only way to ever win, is with compassion and a sense of duty.

I am off to buy a camera. Mine was stolen and was the first thing I've ever had stolen in this country. What upset me most of all were the pictures from the last two days that were lost. I took my camera up to my room last night before bringing my computer to the lobby and when I returned, no camera. The camera means everything to me here so I have been pretty bummed out about it but am going with Bao and Phuc to locate another one. So maybe some pictures will go up tomorrow.

Love to you all.

Happy Birthday Ho Chi Minh

May 19

It seems fitting that we walked into the birthplace (Province) of Ho Chi Minh today, on his birthday. People loved him, of course, so tomorrow some people working on behalf of the children of Vietnam are going to drive us to the small village where he was born to pay respects.

I looked out the window this morning at 5:30 and saw nothing but water. Raining like crazy. And I was in a bit of a mood, feeling sorry for myself over the loss of morning coffee. Luckily my silent whining passed before I left my room to meet the others. Vietnam has amazing coffee but I avoid unbottled water and ice at all costs. So there goes the coffee. This has been such an experience so far and  makes me think about my life and the way I want to live it. This includes not whining so that's the last mention of my little luxuries.

OK...we left at 6:00 or so this morning and jumped into a wet jeep to be dropped off at the spot where we left off yesterday. IT POURED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. Such a stark contrast from yesterday. Nice in a way until about 2 hrs. into it when the our blisters started developing blisters. Our only stop was at a little fruit stand where we got some great oranges and mangosteen.  We didn't talk much to each other or anyone in the villages. It was just hard walking in those conditions so we really just tried to move forward and get to Nghe An Province as soon as possible. We are in the town of Vinh . After this post I will light a match, go under the needle and begin the popping of the blisters. We are not walking tomorrow, which is great and I am planning to "will away" my injuries.

Dead snake count: 35 (I am compelled to count dead snakes but I'm not sure why).

We called the VAVA for this Province this afternoon and they came right over to the hotel to invite us to dinner. They gave us important info. on those with AO in this area-almost 2,000 of them. This area was not even sprayed-these are people affected who were exposed while fighting in other areas and have moved here and had children. One of the families they will take us to meet tomorrow has 4 generations affected by AO. All family members live in the same house. The youngest affected is only 2 years old. They will also be taking us to one of the three centers they have for the handicapped. There will be 30 AO kids there. They also told us that the VN Government gives away about 40-50 wheelchairs a year. They told us that 500 children in this area currently need wheelchairs. To see these children out of the beds in wheelchairs would be so incredible. I have seen so many in their beds, their bodies twisted, with no view but of the ceiling. They just lie there 24 hrs. a day. I can only imagine how wonderful it would feel to them to feel the sun on their face, to look at trees and people and just be a PART of life, to participate in the day to day happenings within their family. This is what a wheelchair can offer these children. I have said before that my life changes with each visit to Vietnam. It could not be more true than my reason for being here now. It's hard to see one child in this condition. But we have seen so many that it is like an experience of grieving collectively. 35 years after the war, they are paying the price. A significant ghost for sure.

I am unable to view my blog....don't kow why....but please keep commenting and I'll figure it out soon. I pick up amazing dead butterflies every day and put them into y little book. Evidence. The colors are incredible. Hope everyone is enjoying life.

Love from Vietnam.

What's happening.....

It's been a few days so I will try to get everyone caught up on what's been happening....
We walked into Ha Tinh today (Cam Thach Province). It was The hottest day so far. At best I would say I felt like I was walking through concrete. At one point I felt like fainting...really sick but our group covered at total of 50 kilometers. Now I will rewind to the last couple days:
May 16: walked with Doc and Bao Anh and several of Bao's friends who joined the walk for the day. We walked through her village and many people knew her, the walk and were happy to shout encouragement along the way. Despite stomach issues which really made the walking difficult, I survived and my mood improved and I was lucky to get better very quickly. Some of the others have not been as lucky. By the way, there was monkey on the menu that day (seriously).
We covered 24 miles that day and my dead snake count reached 24.
The van was taking 2 of the others ahead to find a place for the night and they were hit by a motorcycle, which happened to belong to a cop. The van was confiscated, needless to say(!)
We were stiopped while walking by a man and he took us across the street to meet his son, who is affected by AO. The father fought in Da Nang and this is his only child. The kid was very sweet and better off than most of the ones we have met. We gave him our email addresses and he wants to try to contact us. We did not give any donation to him because there are so many more severe cases we will see.
We heard that we were on the news again and it was cool to hear because the days are hard and it keeps us going. The mosquitos are horrible and sometimes it's worth just staying in the room at night to avoid them. The next day (17th) we walked through an especially difficult area. Difficult in that I have finally found the Vietnamese that really still have a lot of resentment toward Americans. It was a rough day, alot of weird energy in the villages, alot of pretty bad comments. I try to remember where this is coming from and I don't let it bother me so much. We bombed this area so heavily so I can only imagine what the people who lived through it, and lost family to it, feel when they see us or hear us talk. Some of the elderly people even look scared at times. War.
We walked through beautiful country...along the base of mountains called "long Mountain". There were water buffalo in the river, brilliant green all around. I walked with Bob, Salem and Phuc. I think Phuc is getting some beautiful images for his film. Their is more and more excitement building as we get closer to Hanoi. We reached Ky Anh and were all very tired. Other than the drunk man beating on my door in the middle of the night, I slept really well. No dead snakes today.
So now I go sleep and walk again tomorrow. The temp today was 109 and probably will be tomorrow. We heard of 2 AO kids (very young, 8 and 10) that we will visit tomorrow morning. Tomorrow I will be able to put some new pictures out for everyone.
In the meantime, I miss you all and I fixed the blog so you can now comment, so please try again!

Not just another day....

We stayed put for one more night in order to buy the computer for Tang. Bao Anh's friend arranged it and had it brought to us, which was great and we took it to Tang about 9:00 this morning. You would not believe the look on her face when we walked up carrying the big boxes! It was priceless and I felt I had never given a more important gift to anyone! Her mother was afraid she would begin having seizures because she often does when she gets too excited but they kept her in a chair and she watched while everyone unpacked the boxes and set up a desk area on a little table for her. She took a pen and paper and began to write. When she finished, she said it was a note to us ( and to you!)  I would like to share it with you:

My name is Tang. I am very much a daydreamer girl. I have many dreams to become a singer or teacher but I cannot do that. Today I am so happy to get this computer from the Orange Walkers. It will be very helpful to me to be able to connect to the world. I want to wish my friends, the children with Agent Orange, happiness, good luck and many hopes for their life. I believe that life is always fair to everybody.

This girl and her family are so precious and could not be more grateful or kind. We took Bob, who was not with us yesterday, up to the graves again with Tang's father. He goes there everyday to light incense for the children. And once again, he carried his handicapped child on his back. We talked to him for a long time about the children. He told us that he and his wife kept having  children because they wanted to have a healthy child. They felt hey had done something bad in their life and were punished by having sick children. So they kept trying to be better and better people and kept hoping for a healthy child. They did not know about AO for a long time and thought they had caused the misfortune. This way of thinking is common in Vietnam, as I'm sure it is in many parts of the world. I listened to him and could not imagine how difficult their life has been or how they could possibly be any better. When I hugged Tang goodbye, she said "Hen gap lai" or "until next time". I promised her I would come back to see her and she promised to email me.

Bao Anh received a call from her Uncle again, who had 2 other families for us to visit. This area was heavily sprayed with AO and was bombed extensively during the war and I was told today it was a staging area for troops going South. The 3 families we saw are within a few hundred yards of each other.

The second family had one child, who lay on a wood slat bed, motionless. It was especially sad, because the mother seemed like a stranger to the child, very distant and would look at him as if she didn't know him. The father was the one who talked to us and was somewhat affectionate to his son. The child only moved his eyes and hands and only when you touched his face. I put my hand to his face and his skin was so cold and I wondered if he could hear, could he see, did my hand feel warm to him? We made the decision to make a significant donation to this family. The mother wants to work and this money would be used to a helper to come in to care for the child. I am hoping the caregiver will touch him and talk to him. I don't think he gets much of this. 

The third family we saw will be hard to describe. I hope my pictures tell the story because I don't know if words will. I have seen many sad children in terrible conditions, but the two young brothers we visited at this particular house made me wonder about mercy, how is it that it skipped them.  I looked into this room and thought to myself "I can't go any further". The boys were side by side on a rickety bed, flies swarming around them. The smell was horrible and took constant effort not to get sick. The mother sat one of the boys up and took his shirt off. His lower back and rear end was covered by bed sores, infected. I won't be anymore descriptive than this but I thought I would pass out. I tried to hold in the tears but couldn't. It just was the most tragic sight. I will never forget them. I will never forget what made them this way. I hope I never forget their faces or the face of their mother. Even the large donation we gave her seems empty to me. Bob is buying them new beds with inflatable mattresses. Seeing what Agent Orange has done to these boys will poison my sleep.

May 14

A long day of walking but we made it to the Quang Binh Province and found a great and clean hotel in Dong Koi. It was a good day, a long day of walking but a very important one. We visited with a family this morning after walking a couple miles. Bao Anh's uncle had told her of this family who had lost 12 of their 14 children to AO. We finally found the long dirt road that led to the house. We found our way there and visited with the family for a couple hours. The mother and father were very welcoming. Their youngest daughter was with them and is mentally handicapped. She is very sweet, mostly makes sounds and kisses people on the cheek. She seemed very excited to have company. Bao Anh translated the parents story: the father was a soldier unfortunate enough to get heavily sprayed by AO. They described the babies as seeming healthy when born but at about 3 months of age, showing signs of something being wrong. The mother said many of the children's skin and hair began to turn yellow. Several of the children were hydrocephalics. Several died from cancer. She said they were all buried together and they would like to show us where. We then asked where her other surviving daughter was and she led us into a little room. There was a curtain and when she drew it back, there lying in the bed was the most beautiful teenage girl. She made horrible noises and twisted her body back and forth. It was very frightening and sad to see. She began to have a seizure and both her parents held her down until it was over. When it was over , her mother just held her head in her lap until she was very calm. The girl was able to sit up a little and she started to speak to Bao Anh. I asked what her favorite thing in the world was, and her reply was "a computer". She did not have one but had gotten to use one in Hanoi at the Hoa Binh Peace Village for AO kids. Apparently, the girl had had 4 brain operations by an Australian Dr. in Hanoi but there has been little improvement. The father then put his younger daughter on his back and asked us to follow him to the graves of his other children. We followed him down a long path until we saw a mountain of sand. We followed behind him amazed that he could do this carrying a handicapped child. We made it to the top and there was this beautiful structure, very colorful that held the graves of his 12 children, with 2 unmarked, as the doctors expect the 2 girls to die as well. We stood there as the father and his young daughter lit incense and placed them on the graves. He said a prayer and then bowed to each dead child. I just watched this man, grieving the loss of his children and felt so heartbroken for him, so helpless. How do you say how sorry you are to someone who lost their children to something like dioxin? I sat down behind one of the walls and just cried for the longest time. 

Tomorrow morning I am going with Bao Anh and I am buying a computer and paying for service for a year for the sixteen yr. old daughter. I can't thank all of you enough for donating and helping out with this walk. When we see her tomorrow, we will surprise her with a new computer from all of you. Her name is... Do Thi Hang.

May 11-13

Hi everyone,
Here at a sort of Post Office in Quang Tri, Dong Ha.....just over the bridge into Northern Vietnam. I am happy to find this computer to update everyone on what's happening. The last 2 days have been difficult but we have covered alot of ground. On May 11, we began the walk out of Hue in good spirits...we had a new walker, although just for a day. His name is Trung and he is from Hanoi but works in Hue at a coffeeshop. Not sure exactly how he heard about us or the walk but we happily accepted him into the group without any kind of horrible initiation. He was a hilarious addition to the group. He was dubbed "Jerry" and he honestly IS the Jerry Lewis of Vietnam. Same humor (?) and expressiveness (?) and he was just downright fun. As soon as I can, I will post some pictures of my new friend Jerry. When we stopped for a break....Jerry lifted our spirits by singing. HEY JUDE was my favorite. Especially when he sang...."the minute, you let her into your skin, then you begin....." I didn't have the heart to tell him "heart". Then there was "Drowning my sorrows in the rain" followed by "goodbye orange brick road". At the end of the day, Jerry could barely walk and summoned a van, calling it "the caravan of life". We will miss him.
The following day was spent walking close to 20 miles in the heavy rain and wind. Very tough but somehow I avoided blisters, even though my feet were wet for many hours. There are many big trucks on Hwy. 1 and it can get a little scary when it's raining. We were very tired that night. I guess that's when the rat decided to enter the bathroom. Bob has an especially good film from a dining experience where a cat killed a rat, brought it to the table and played with it. I'll try to get it onto you tube, so you can experience it too. The next day, more rain, less wind, then it cleared up and started baking the roads and us, again.
I have come to appreciate the countryside, the beautiful rice paddies, seeing people with their water buffalo....the beauty here is amazing and every moment seems to be asking for a photo. Each place we stop, each face we see, is a story.
We recieved a call from a rep. from the Red Cross of Vietnam and she went with us this morning, along with the Vice Pres. of the Province, to see 3 AO families in this area. She said that there are approx. 2,000 people in Quang Tri are affected by AO, 40% of those being children. Roughly 2% of their population affected. We have to decide who we give assistance to along the way and it's really difficult because the needs are so great. We find out if they receive any gov. help, if they have gone through any testing at the hospital, if they have access to school, etc. We also look at the home, the health of the parents...on and on. There is so much to consider and we sometimes disagree about who to help or not help. But so far, I think we are doing well with this, and are developing a system that seems to work. It's a little overwelming at times, because they ALL need help.
The jeep keeps breaking down and has fragmented the group. We may be abandoning it before long because it seems to be having one problem after another. We have been stranded many times. There is talk of finding someone to donate a van to rent for the remaining trip, but we'll see. In the meantime, we keep walking to Hanoi.
Thanks for the encouragement. Some days this is so hard. It really helps to hear from people! Love you all.

Day off

Hi everyone,

We have no one to drive the jeep until tomorrow so we have a day off which is great. I am at the Inter. cafe down from the hotel. The same place where I sat last night with my feet off the ground because of a rat that liked me for some reason. For those who think I might be stretching it, it WAS REALLY BIG, seriously. No little mice in Vietnam. It is the Year of the Rat so I guess they are feeling a bit confident, in a Tyra Banks sort of way. One actually threw their cell phone at me.

The walk yesterday from Lang Co to Hue was rough. Going through villages are great because of stops and interacting with the people. It's the long stretches of highway and no shade that get you. Unbelievable heat. It is getting hotter the further North we go. I walked most of the way with Doc and later joined by Bao and Phouc. I'm amazed at Doc, with his arm in a brace, even walking at all. He loves the kids and stops along the way giving them balloons, smiles and waves. We did not visit with any families yesterday. The malaria med. makes you sun sensitive and I got a sunburn like you wouldn't believe on my right shoulder, despite using 70 sunscreen. I have been advised by everyone to just use deet religiously rather than the med. This is the kind of burn that keeps you awake at night. I did get some stuff for it, which is helping a little.

We got some exciting news....the man who is 2nd in command for the Communist Party wants to meet with us in Hanoi, along with the man who was Ho Chi Minh's right hand man. A big honor for us. Hopefully this will happen. The press has been amazing and we are so happy to be bringing attention to these children! This afternoon we meet with Susan, an activist who works for Veterans in the States and those in VN affected by AO. Someone has sent her some money for walk. I have been wanting to meet her. She does really great work. Also will be joined tomorrow by Trung, from Hue, who heard about the walk and wants to walk for a few days. And another guy, Giang, a Prof. from the Univ. in HCM, will be walking with us. Some exciting news: Doc heard from the former VC Soldier who they passed along the first part of the walk. He was affected by AO, and his son as well. He was walking from the North to the South on behalf of his son. He now wants to join us on our walk to Hanoi! Amazing things are happening. Probably won't be able to post for a few days after tonight but maybe we will get lucky. I hope you all are good and thanks for all the good energy you're sending-we feel it! 

Hai Van Pass....

WELL....MUCH TO MY OWN SURPRISE, I CROSSED HAI VAN PASS WHICH WAS CONSIDERED THE BOOGEY MAN AND IT SORT OF WAS. I DID THIS WITH BAO ANH, BOB, PHOUC AND SALEM. IT WAS SO HARD TO KEEP GOING AT TIMES. WE ALL TRIED TO TALK AND ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER, BUT IT WAS SELDOM THAT ANY OF US COULD SPEAK. I'M TOLD IT IS ABOUT A 15% INCLINE AND WE WALKED THIS MOUNTAIN FOR SEVERAL HOURS WITH A FEW STOPS. IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. THE COOLEST PART WAS REACHING THE TOP AND HAVING ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO KNEW ABOUT THE WALK THERE WAITING...THEY GAVE US COLD DRINKS AND A VIETNAMESE WOMAN BRAIDED MY HAIR (REALLY) WHICH, AT THE MOMENT, WAS JUST ABOUT THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD.

OTHER HAPPENINGS TOMORROW. STILL HAVE 2 DAYS IN HUE, aka: civilization, SO I WILL WRITE AGAIN TOMORROW. BY THE WAY, I HAVE COUNTED 15 DEAD SNAKES. I AM HOPING TO GET OUT OF VN BEFORE I HAVE A RUN IN WITH A GREEN VIPOR. BAO ANH LIKES TO SCARE ME FOR SOME REASON.

FROM DA NANG TO HUE

The first few days of the walk have been amazing and exhausting but I sort of expected it. It doesn't seem to matter how many times you visit Vietnam...each time seems hotter than before. In just the last few days, our group, which is now 6, has met with so many families who have children affected by Agent Orange. It's hard to find the right words right now but hopefully the pictures I have posted will give you a glimpse of their life. The most difficult part of this so far is trying to visit with families, seeing their children, whose conditions are worse than any nightmare and then walking-just the physical exhaustion with the emotional impact of what you've just witnessed, is very hard. But it is also very rewarding when you can financially help the family, get the child to smile, just let them know we care and that there are so many people who have not forgotten them. We also met with the director of the VAVA which provides assistance for AO victim's. There were many photographers and journalists present during our meeting and it was a very touching meeting. We were able to go to the school where education is provided to these AO kids. They were so sweet and happy to have visitor's. One girls sang for us. When translated, everyone, including the reporters and photographers, cried. It was a song about being born and having people look upon your life as a tragedy. 

My first day of the walk started in Da Nang and I walked with Doc. We covered 17 miles and I was still breathing, so it was a good start. The scenery was incredible....most of our walk that day was along the China Sea....the water so blue, shrimp boats, mountains ahead of us, lush green rice paddies to our left. Incredible and beautiful. Did I mention heat? We stopped many times along the way, talked to (sort of!) many people in each village we passed through. Most of them seem to know about the walk already because they would point and say "to Ha Noi". Doc is a great sport to keep going with a broken shoulder and some serious stomach problems. He's been to the hospital twice but better now.

More later......have some time off from walking so I'm going to explore. I will write about the Hai Van Pass tonight. Hope everyone is well and happy. I miss everybody and I will never again complain about the heat of an Alabama summer.

leaving HCM

heading out this a.m. to fly to Da Nang. Bao An and Doc will meet me at the airport. Good to find out a hotel in Hoi An heard about the walk and has offered free hotel room for the night. Got news last night that we have lost another walker, Mike. I'll find out details when I get there. Doc was handling the trailor hitch when he lost his balance and the heavy thing fell on him-broke his arm, poor guy. will continue to walk but no driving. someone has kindly donated funds for a full time driver, which is great. Bao Anh supposedly lost most of her toenails, while others just one or two. ick.

alot of press and many families to meet before Hanoi. I start walking tomorrow. Oh yeah, the Bao and Doc's monkey-vanished. 

i'm here

Arrived in HCM late last night, got ripped off by a cab but got a room with a good A/C . That is sometimes all that matters. I will enjoy an air conditioner as long as I can because there may not be many in my future. Met with Quang today, who works for Peacetrees. They clear land mines and have land mine education centers in the Cental area and in Cambodia. He is a great friend and really helps with the work in Kon Tum, especially the leper village. He told me of another leper village and orphanage near Pleiku that recieves no help from anyone. I am very ineterested in going there. Nice to be in HCM...walked around all day, ran into my little friend who sells postcards on the street. He has gotten so tall. He is around 12 yrs. old. I met him on my first visit to Vietnam and have been watching him grow. Each time I come here I find him in about the same area. I bought a pizza for him from an american-ish place today. He ate it fast and seemed happy. He is a skinny kid and needs food. I asked him about school, why he was not in school, even though I know the answer and his reply was that "school costs money". He works, of course, to help support his family. He is very smart and speaks english well. He told me he heard that the Catholic church near Don Khoi St. had a free school but if he were in school, his little brothers would not have enough to eat. I walked up to the church because I thought I could talk to them but the gate was closed. I am going to go back up there in awhile to see if I can find anyone. It would be amazing if he could go to school. He really is just the sweetest and brightest kid. 

I leave in the a.m. for Da Nang and I look forward to meeting up with the others. Have a little jet- lag but overall not too bad. Getting a little used to the heat and humidity but you never REALLY get used to it. I start walking in 2 days.