walking into Dien Chau

Hi everybody,

Another long walk....our group covered 28 miles. For some reason we were all really strong today despite these insane blisters that I am starting to name. I'm sure alot has to do with the weather...overcast most of the day, which was welcome! Nice breeze most of the day so mosquitos weren't a problem. Really a good day. We saw no families but will hopefully be seeing more families in 2-3 days Thanh Hoa province. We anticipate arriving at the AO hospital on June 1st, a week earlier than planned! We are all getting very excited but have many hard days of walking ahead of us. There should be quite a welcome from the word on the street (!) and we can't wait to see the kids waiting there for us. This is for them and I hope when they see us, they will feel alot of love.

We are lucky to be staying on the beach in Dien Cahu at a brand new place. I think we are the first guests. I spent about an hour on the beach picking up the most amazing shells. The water was very warm and it was nice to put my feet in it. I listened to my shuffle and really enjoyed just looking around on the ground for stuff. 

We will be heading out in the morning again, bright and early a 25 mile walk. Our team is working well together....it is a very complicated journey at times. There are long stretches with NOTHING so planning and sending someone ahead is essential. It is really down to a science now and we work very efficiently. There are days when I am sure I will need a foot transplant, but overall...I feel restless on the one day a week that we don't walk. Your body really gets used to it after a couple weeks so I maybe walking along the highway when I get home.

There is really nothing to report today other than the walking. I would like to take a minute and thank my family and friends for all their love and support and not ever questioning my need to do this. You are all wonderful. I wish I had each of you with me so you could experience this too. I hope my words and pictures do justice to these children and shed light on what is and what could be. 

I can't thank you all enough for caring the way you do.

ngu ngon  (sweet dreams).

today

We are still in Vinh and plan to stay here one more night then head out in the a.m. We plan a long day of walking and the weather has been great today-cloudy with no rain and cooler than usual. I hope it lasts. We anticipate reaching Hanoi earlier than expected! Our days of walking are long but are paying off as we are covering so much ground. I never would have believed it had I not been here.

The VAVA took us this morning to see the 3 families. The first family has 2 sons in their early 20's. They were on the wooden bed and totally covered with blankets. When uncovered, the boys made no movement or sound. They were completely still with just expressionless faces. One of the boys had both legs amputated from the knees down. They are skeletons and have no quality of life, except for their loving parents. The father fought near Hue when Agent Orange was dumped on him. His wife works and he takes care of the sons. He said it is very difficult to turn them and take care of them and I assume that is why he is at home and his wife is working. We decided to give a generous donation to assist with the cost of medications. 

The second family we visited has 3 generations of AO. This was a very sad situation. The mother cried when we were there. She told us that her husband went away to war and brought nothing back but agent orange. Her neighbors and relatives helped build a house for them. It was very sad to hear her story but it is not a new story. It is everywhere we go and it is sad every time. We gave a donation to this family as well and she was so happy. She wants to use the money to buy the medication that she gives her family. We asked what type of medication they take and the mother ran to get the bottle. She brought it back and handed it to us. The label on the bottle read: HEALTHY BRAIN PILLS. It was heartbreaking to me as I read the back of the bottle: HELPS IMPROVE BRAIN. 

The last family we saw has only one child, a young man who looks to be about 10 yrs. old but is 22. We were led through a marketplace to his "home" if you can call it a home. He was sitting on a small wooden bench with sides, like a playpen in a room that also served as a kitchen. The room measured roughly 8ft X 10ft. Only 3 of us could stand in the room at a time. The mother was very sweet and kept the son very clean and the room tidy but I don't think we have seen any living quarters this cramped. The father was exposed to AO and it has had devastating effects on him. He was in a room adjacent to the kitchen, an even smaller room than that of his son. He sat on a cot with this bright light shining directly in his face. He was unresponsive. His wife said he began showing signs not long after his return home from the war. His condition just continues to worsen. The father and son live every day with a wall between them. They are unable to interact and I found this to be such a terrible loss. 

 The strength of the parents of AO children is incredible. I often look at them and wonder what it is like to wake up each day to face the struggle that is their life. The wounds of their children fester but never heal. One parent told Bao Anh that he remembers as a soldier feeling the chemical "like rain" falling down to wet his body....seeing the mist that fell from the planes. And what we are seeing now is what these men and women brought home to their families and unborn children.

I know that many people feel that the responsibility for these health problems is unclear. Attempts by American and Vietnamese officials to come to an agreement over this issue has not succeeded. Waiting on scientific proof will continue to paralyze this issue. The health concerns of these people are a humanitarian issue. There are so many needs, from family counseling to rehabilitation centers, and education for those children who cannot attend regular schools. Pointing fingers does not change anything. In the spirit of decency, I hope our country and all people who care for the people of Vietnam, will step up to the plate and do what they can to help. The only way to ever win, is with compassion and a sense of duty.

I am off to buy a camera. Mine was stolen and was the first thing I've ever had stolen in this country. What upset me most of all were the pictures from the last two days that were lost. I took my camera up to my room last night before bringing my computer to the lobby and when I returned, no camera. The camera means everything to me here so I have been pretty bummed out about it but am going with Bao and Phuc to locate another one. So maybe some pictures will go up tomorrow.

Love to you all.

Happy Birthday Ho Chi Minh

May 19

It seems fitting that we walked into the birthplace (Province) of Ho Chi Minh today, on his birthday. People loved him, of course, so tomorrow some people working on behalf of the children of Vietnam are going to drive us to the small village where he was born to pay respects.

I looked out the window this morning at 5:30 and saw nothing but water. Raining like crazy. And I was in a bit of a mood, feeling sorry for myself over the loss of morning coffee. Luckily my silent whining passed before I left my room to meet the others. Vietnam has amazing coffee but I avoid unbottled water and ice at all costs. So there goes the coffee. This has been such an experience so far and  makes me think about my life and the way I want to live it. This includes not whining so that's the last mention of my little luxuries.

OK...we left at 6:00 or so this morning and jumped into a wet jeep to be dropped off at the spot where we left off yesterday. IT POURED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. Such a stark contrast from yesterday. Nice in a way until about 2 hrs. into it when the our blisters started developing blisters. Our only stop was at a little fruit stand where we got some great oranges and mangosteen.  We didn't talk much to each other or anyone in the villages. It was just hard walking in those conditions so we really just tried to move forward and get to Nghe An Province as soon as possible. We are in the town of Vinh . After this post I will light a match, go under the needle and begin the popping of the blisters. We are not walking tomorrow, which is great and I am planning to "will away" my injuries.

Dead snake count: 35 (I am compelled to count dead snakes but I'm not sure why).

We called the VAVA for this Province this afternoon and they came right over to the hotel to invite us to dinner. They gave us important info. on those with AO in this area-almost 2,000 of them. This area was not even sprayed-these are people affected who were exposed while fighting in other areas and have moved here and had children. One of the families they will take us to meet tomorrow has 4 generations affected by AO. All family members live in the same house. The youngest affected is only 2 years old. They will also be taking us to one of the three centers they have for the handicapped. There will be 30 AO kids there. They also told us that the VN Government gives away about 40-50 wheelchairs a year. They told us that 500 children in this area currently need wheelchairs. To see these children out of the beds in wheelchairs would be so incredible. I have seen so many in their beds, their bodies twisted, with no view but of the ceiling. They just lie there 24 hrs. a day. I can only imagine how wonderful it would feel to them to feel the sun on their face, to look at trees and people and just be a PART of life, to participate in the day to day happenings within their family. This is what a wheelchair can offer these children. I have said before that my life changes with each visit to Vietnam. It could not be more true than my reason for being here now. It's hard to see one child in this condition. But we have seen so many that it is like an experience of grieving collectively. 35 years after the war, they are paying the price. A significant ghost for sure.

I am unable to view my blog....don't kow why....but please keep commenting and I'll figure it out soon. I pick up amazing dead butterflies every day and put them into y little book. Evidence. The colors are incredible. Hope everyone is enjoying life.

Love from Vietnam.

What's happening.....

It's been a few days so I will try to get everyone caught up on what's been happening....
We walked into Ha Tinh today (Cam Thach Province). It was The hottest day so far. At best I would say I felt like I was walking through concrete. At one point I felt like fainting...really sick but our group covered at total of 50 kilometers. Now I will rewind to the last couple days:
May 16: walked with Doc and Bao Anh and several of Bao's friends who joined the walk for the day. We walked through her village and many people knew her, the walk and were happy to shout encouragement along the way. Despite stomach issues which really made the walking difficult, I survived and my mood improved and I was lucky to get better very quickly. Some of the others have not been as lucky. By the way, there was monkey on the menu that day (seriously).
We covered 24 miles that day and my dead snake count reached 24.
The van was taking 2 of the others ahead to find a place for the night and they were hit by a motorcycle, which happened to belong to a cop. The van was confiscated, needless to say(!)
We were stiopped while walking by a man and he took us across the street to meet his son, who is affected by AO. The father fought in Da Nang and this is his only child. The kid was very sweet and better off than most of the ones we have met. We gave him our email addresses and he wants to try to contact us. We did not give any donation to him because there are so many more severe cases we will see.
We heard that we were on the news again and it was cool to hear because the days are hard and it keeps us going. The mosquitos are horrible and sometimes it's worth just staying in the room at night to avoid them. The next day (17th) we walked through an especially difficult area. Difficult in that I have finally found the Vietnamese that really still have a lot of resentment toward Americans. It was a rough day, alot of weird energy in the villages, alot of pretty bad comments. I try to remember where this is coming from and I don't let it bother me so much. We bombed this area so heavily so I can only imagine what the people who lived through it, and lost family to it, feel when they see us or hear us talk. Some of the elderly people even look scared at times. War.
We walked through beautiful country...along the base of mountains called "long Mountain". There were water buffalo in the river, brilliant green all around. I walked with Bob, Salem and Phuc. I think Phuc is getting some beautiful images for his film. Their is more and more excitement building as we get closer to Hanoi. We reached Ky Anh and were all very tired. Other than the drunk man beating on my door in the middle of the night, I slept really well. No dead snakes today.
So now I go sleep and walk again tomorrow. The temp today was 109 and probably will be tomorrow. We heard of 2 AO kids (very young, 8 and 10) that we will visit tomorrow morning. Tomorrow I will be able to put some new pictures out for everyone.
In the meantime, I miss you all and I fixed the blog so you can now comment, so please try again!

Not just another day....

We stayed put for one more night in order to buy the computer for Tang. Bao Anh's friend arranged it and had it brought to us, which was great and we took it to Tang about 9:00 this morning. You would not believe the look on her face when we walked up carrying the big boxes! It was priceless and I felt I had never given a more important gift to anyone! Her mother was afraid she would begin having seizures because she often does when she gets too excited but they kept her in a chair and she watched while everyone unpacked the boxes and set up a desk area on a little table for her. She took a pen and paper and began to write. When she finished, she said it was a note to us ( and to you!)  I would like to share it with you:

My name is Tang. I am very much a daydreamer girl. I have many dreams to become a singer or teacher but I cannot do that. Today I am so happy to get this computer from the Orange Walkers. It will be very helpful to me to be able to connect to the world. I want to wish my friends, the children with Agent Orange, happiness, good luck and many hopes for their life. I believe that life is always fair to everybody.

This girl and her family are so precious and could not be more grateful or kind. We took Bob, who was not with us yesterday, up to the graves again with Tang's father. He goes there everyday to light incense for the children. And once again, he carried his handicapped child on his back. We talked to him for a long time about the children. He told us that he and his wife kept having  children because they wanted to have a healthy child. They felt hey had done something bad in their life and were punished by having sick children. So they kept trying to be better and better people and kept hoping for a healthy child. They did not know about AO for a long time and thought they had caused the misfortune. This way of thinking is common in Vietnam, as I'm sure it is in many parts of the world. I listened to him and could not imagine how difficult their life has been or how they could possibly be any better. When I hugged Tang goodbye, she said "Hen gap lai" or "until next time". I promised her I would come back to see her and she promised to email me.

Bao Anh received a call from her Uncle again, who had 2 other families for us to visit. This area was heavily sprayed with AO and was bombed extensively during the war and I was told today it was a staging area for troops going South. The 3 families we saw are within a few hundred yards of each other.

The second family had one child, who lay on a wood slat bed, motionless. It was especially sad, because the mother seemed like a stranger to the child, very distant and would look at him as if she didn't know him. The father was the one who talked to us and was somewhat affectionate to his son. The child only moved his eyes and hands and only when you touched his face. I put my hand to his face and his skin was so cold and I wondered if he could hear, could he see, did my hand feel warm to him? We made the decision to make a significant donation to this family. The mother wants to work and this money would be used to a helper to come in to care for the child. I am hoping the caregiver will touch him and talk to him. I don't think he gets much of this. 

The third family we saw will be hard to describe. I hope my pictures tell the story because I don't know if words will. I have seen many sad children in terrible conditions, but the two young brothers we visited at this particular house made me wonder about mercy, how is it that it skipped them.  I looked into this room and thought to myself "I can't go any further". The boys were side by side on a rickety bed, flies swarming around them. The smell was horrible and took constant effort not to get sick. The mother sat one of the boys up and took his shirt off. His lower back and rear end was covered by bed sores, infected. I won't be anymore descriptive than this but I thought I would pass out. I tried to hold in the tears but couldn't. It just was the most tragic sight. I will never forget them. I will never forget what made them this way. I hope I never forget their faces or the face of their mother. Even the large donation we gave her seems empty to me. Bob is buying them new beds with inflatable mattresses. Seeing what Agent Orange has done to these boys will poison my sleep.

May 14

A long day of walking but we made it to the Quang Binh Province and found a great and clean hotel in Dong Koi. It was a good day, a long day of walking but a very important one. We visited with a family this morning after walking a couple miles. Bao Anh's uncle had told her of this family who had lost 12 of their 14 children to AO. We finally found the long dirt road that led to the house. We found our way there and visited with the family for a couple hours. The mother and father were very welcoming. Their youngest daughter was with them and is mentally handicapped. She is very sweet, mostly makes sounds and kisses people on the cheek. She seemed very excited to have company. Bao Anh translated the parents story: the father was a soldier unfortunate enough to get heavily sprayed by AO. They described the babies as seeming healthy when born but at about 3 months of age, showing signs of something being wrong. The mother said many of the children's skin and hair began to turn yellow. Several of the children were hydrocephalics. Several died from cancer. She said they were all buried together and they would like to show us where. We then asked where her other surviving daughter was and she led us into a little room. There was a curtain and when she drew it back, there lying in the bed was the most beautiful teenage girl. She made horrible noises and twisted her body back and forth. It was very frightening and sad to see. She began to have a seizure and both her parents held her down until it was over. When it was over , her mother just held her head in her lap until she was very calm. The girl was able to sit up a little and she started to speak to Bao Anh. I asked what her favorite thing in the world was, and her reply was "a computer". She did not have one but had gotten to use one in Hanoi at the Hoa Binh Peace Village for AO kids. Apparently, the girl had had 4 brain operations by an Australian Dr. in Hanoi but there has been little improvement. The father then put his younger daughter on his back and asked us to follow him to the graves of his other children. We followed him down a long path until we saw a mountain of sand. We followed behind him amazed that he could do this carrying a handicapped child. We made it to the top and there was this beautiful structure, very colorful that held the graves of his 12 children, with 2 unmarked, as the doctors expect the 2 girls to die as well. We stood there as the father and his young daughter lit incense and placed them on the graves. He said a prayer and then bowed to each dead child. I just watched this man, grieving the loss of his children and felt so heartbroken for him, so helpless. How do you say how sorry you are to someone who lost their children to something like dioxin? I sat down behind one of the walls and just cried for the longest time. 

Tomorrow morning I am going with Bao Anh and I am buying a computer and paying for service for a year for the sixteen yr. old daughter. I can't thank all of you enough for donating and helping out with this walk. When we see her tomorrow, we will surprise her with a new computer from all of you. Her name is... Do Thi Hang.

May 11-13

Hi everyone,
Here at a sort of Post Office in Quang Tri, Dong Ha.....just over the bridge into Northern Vietnam. I am happy to find this computer to update everyone on what's happening. The last 2 days have been difficult but we have covered alot of ground. On May 11, we began the walk out of Hue in good spirits...we had a new walker, although just for a day. His name is Trung and he is from Hanoi but works in Hue at a coffeeshop. Not sure exactly how he heard about us or the walk but we happily accepted him into the group without any kind of horrible initiation. He was a hilarious addition to the group. He was dubbed "Jerry" and he honestly IS the Jerry Lewis of Vietnam. Same humor (?) and expressiveness (?) and he was just downright fun. As soon as I can, I will post some pictures of my new friend Jerry. When we stopped for a break....Jerry lifted our spirits by singing. HEY JUDE was my favorite. Especially when he sang...."the minute, you let her into your skin, then you begin....." I didn't have the heart to tell him "heart". Then there was "Drowning my sorrows in the rain" followed by "goodbye orange brick road". At the end of the day, Jerry could barely walk and summoned a van, calling it "the caravan of life". We will miss him.
The following day was spent walking close to 20 miles in the heavy rain and wind. Very tough but somehow I avoided blisters, even though my feet were wet for many hours. There are many big trucks on Hwy. 1 and it can get a little scary when it's raining. We were very tired that night. I guess that's when the rat decided to enter the bathroom. Bob has an especially good film from a dining experience where a cat killed a rat, brought it to the table and played with it. I'll try to get it onto you tube, so you can experience it too. The next day, more rain, less wind, then it cleared up and started baking the roads and us, again.
I have come to appreciate the countryside, the beautiful rice paddies, seeing people with their water buffalo....the beauty here is amazing and every moment seems to be asking for a photo. Each place we stop, each face we see, is a story.
We recieved a call from a rep. from the Red Cross of Vietnam and she went with us this morning, along with the Vice Pres. of the Province, to see 3 AO families in this area. She said that there are approx. 2,000 people in Quang Tri are affected by AO, 40% of those being children. Roughly 2% of their population affected. We have to decide who we give assistance to along the way and it's really difficult because the needs are so great. We find out if they receive any gov. help, if they have gone through any testing at the hospital, if they have access to school, etc. We also look at the home, the health of the parents...on and on. There is so much to consider and we sometimes disagree about who to help or not help. But so far, I think we are doing well with this, and are developing a system that seems to work. It's a little overwelming at times, because they ALL need help.
The jeep keeps breaking down and has fragmented the group. We may be abandoning it before long because it seems to be having one problem after another. We have been stranded many times. There is talk of finding someone to donate a van to rent for the remaining trip, but we'll see. In the meantime, we keep walking to Hanoi.
Thanks for the encouragement. Some days this is so hard. It really helps to hear from people! Love you all.